Birthday Parties and Social Awkwardness... What's a Mom to Do?

Today we went to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese for a friend. The boys were really excited about going and being with their friends and spending time playing games and running around in the tubes. David was having a great time, until he went through all of his tokens. I had noticed that David was off playing games by himself, not really uncommon for him, and he seemed content. I also noticed that his best friend was hanging out with his cousin. Now I know that his best friend and his cousin are a little two some. They are best buddies and love spending time together, it was sad, though to see David struggle to find his way into the situation.

After using his tokens I told him to go find his friend or his brother to play with but instead he decided to lay on the bench at the table. When his friend came back around out of tokens I told David to go find them because now they were all out of tokens. When he did he became very frustrated and came back to the table crying and yelling at me that I "was a liar" because the kids were still playing a game so they had to still have tokens. He then threw himself back into the bench where he had been lying previously.

So many thoughts went through my mind as I dealt with David's sadness, frustration, and outburst. As a mom I want him to feel like a part of the group. I want him to have fun with his friends and enjoy his time with them. I also hate the looks from parents when they see my kid screaming at me, crying, and lying down isolating himself. I find it hard having to field the looks and question whether or not I want to go into the whole "he is diagnosed with asperger's" conversation.

I think one of the things that was particularly hard with today was the fact that the friends that we were at the birthday party of, know about David's issues, and because of issues their own children have, are very empathetic to David. And yet today, after checking in with David and finding out he did in fact feel left out, when I told my friend she said that David needs to make an effort to seek them out. I found myself becoming frustrated because this comment was so un-empathetic. Going out and saying "hey play with me instead of your cousin" is not really in David's comfort zone, something she knows. In fact, even after I asked his friend to try to include David because he was feeling left out, David was still hesitant to engage.

I guess I was also a bit frustrated that I had to be the one that had to say something to David's friend, even after my friend and I talked about it. We have talked about David being left out before in other settings and situations so it just seemed odd. I guess it is hard for other people to understand social awkwardness if we don't experience it ourselves or through our children. For me it is hard to feel like people are looking at me wanting an explanation for my child's behavior or reaction to situations instead of just allowing him, and I for that matter, be.

At the end of the day he rejoined his friends and had a great time!