David has always been a bit of a loner. He enjoys playing by himself; engaging in solitary sports, like karate, and enjoys solitary activities like his DS and reading. While he also enjoys playing with his friends he has always been awkward around them and struggles to kind common interests. Because David struggles with social cues he often over focuses on his interests, forgetting to include his peers interests into the mix. And while David does not mind being in a group, he favors being in a group of peers he knows or being in a one on one setting.
Unfortunately David's social skills have been in effect regressing over the past year, not because he is doing something drastically different, but rather because he is not continuing to grow and improve with age. This lack of age appropriate growth and adjustment essentially equate to a regression in development. While we are trying to correct that in therapy, through parent coaching, and in his activities, it is hard to watch as he struggles more to engage comfortably with his peers.
David, like many kids on spectrum, has few truly cooperative friendships. Friends that you can really say that both people really enjoy spending time with one another. I have been noticing for some time that David's best friend seemed less interested in spending time with him. They are in different classes this year so they are both branching out, meeting new people and making new friends. Despite this, when they are together they seemed to engage well together and generally enjoy being with each other. I have noticed recently, though this has been shifting. In general, if other same age children are in the mix (for instance not their younger siblings) David tends to be the child left out of the group. At times this is of his own accord because, as I said he likes to go off and do things on his own, and if he is feeling uncomfortable in a group setting he is going to try to ease that anxiety by isolating himself where he feels more comfortable. Other times David is simply left out, struggling to find a way into the group because this is a skill he is still working on mastering.
I find it so hard to watch him struggle to find his way into the group and even harder to watch him struggling to find his way into play interactions with his best friend. See the difference is, his friend has continued to have that social growth and development over the past year that David is delayed, and now where they were once on the same page, David at times seems to be struggling not only to catch up but to be on the page at all. What's more, I was told that his best friend finds it difficult to play with David and that it a stressful situation that puts a lot of pressure on him.
It's funny because when I look at my kids playing I think of care free times, and fun. I don't think of stress, and pressure. I think of stress and pressure when I think of work. Who wants friendship to be work? But then I look at David and I see how hard he does work to make friends and keep them. I see the stress and pressure he is under to step out of his comfort zone, to step away from being alone doing his own thing, to try to enter a group, to pick up a conversation about someone else's interest. I see how hard he tries to fit in and be "normal" despite feeling so uncomfortable he wants to hide inside his hoodie, under his desk, or under a blanket. I watch as kids ask him why he misses so much school or why he is late and watch his frustration at not wanting to answer "my medication is all messed up" or "I have this medical problem called... (take your pick- Aspergers, ADHD, Sleep Disorder)" or even know how to answer.
I watch this boy every day struggle with social frustrations. I watch him take steps out of his comfort zone each day trying to improve and blend into crowd around him. I am so proud of him everyday for all of his accomplishments but most of all for just being himself. A couple of days ago one of David's friend's mom's and I were talking and I told her about how I was frustrated and sad watching David with all of his friendship struggles and she told me the best thing ever. She said, "David is such a handsome, smart little boy and he seems fine every time I see him. He is making you proud every day." She is right, David does make me proud every day, because he is AMAZING! (Thanks Sabrina!)
